Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
