you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
