billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
