You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
