I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
