Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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