1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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