Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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