Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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