i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
