are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
