It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
