Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
