i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
