Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
