just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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