isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
