I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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