kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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