You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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