I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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