remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
