Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
