I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
