jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I skipped work to stalk him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
