I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
