I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
