Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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