You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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