She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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