The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
