you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
