i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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