did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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