somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
