if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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