i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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