One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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