you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
