I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
