I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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