I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
