Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
