im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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