Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
