He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
