Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
