I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i out mim tonsoeep
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