tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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