Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
