we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
