you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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