He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
