Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
